mental health resilience
We all have mental health, a state in which one is flourishing, thriving and meeting their full potential - often described as subjective well-being or simply happiness. ‘Mental health is not the same as mental illness, although poor mental health can lead to mental and physical illnesses’.
There are many misconceptions of mental health and mental illness starting from simple definition, just as there are misconceptions about resilience. Resilience is not an innate quality, it is a skill acquired from hardship. It is not a state of never feeling hurt, sadness or anger but instead how quickly one recovers from a set-back without letting it crush their soul.
Our resilience is developed when we experience tough situations such as a death of a loved one, job loss, heartbreak and acute or chronic illness (including mental). It’s not that resilient people experience less anxiety or distress when going through challenges, but instead they use these difficulties as growth and strength-developing opportunities. Those who lack resilience may dwell in problems or develop destructive coping behaviours.
Whenever I’m asked to describe myself in a few words, one word always comes to mind, resilient. As someone with lived experiences with anxiety, depression, and PTSD, I have had to harness positive coping skills to deal with adversity and offset factors that increase risk of mental health conditions. Resilience is NOT “toughing it out”alone, but instead having the courage to sit with your emotions, connect with your support network and quickly learn from experience.
I recently opened up one of my many journals and found a poem I had written, titled, What I Would Say to my Younger Self:
nothing ever gets easier,
you just grow a thick layer
of tough around your tender,
love is going to shut the door
on you too quickly too often,
but you have to learn how to
still leave the window open for it,
your world will be turned
upside down a dozen times
and direction will disappear,
everything will go dark.
It’s your choice whether you
turn the light on again or not.
“When we learn how to become resilient, we learn how to embrace the beautifully broad spectrum of the human experience.”
Resilience requires letting go of preconceived beliefs, dysfunctional learned behaviors and also forgiving so that you can make room to adapt strategies to help you persevere. A very tough thing to learn and act on consistently. There are many ways that you can build your resilience and it will be an ongoing practice. Resilience is also not absorbing hurt and seeing how much you can hold in without breaking. The way I see it resilience is like being a trampoline rather than a welcome mat or a sponge for hurt and struggle. It’s being someone who has felt the pull of being pushed low but then used that energy to transcend higher, maintain balance and stride forward.
Trampolining Towards Resilience
my mother raised me a welcome mat,
taught me to take and take and take
hurt from others so I could be made
a rock run smooth by water,
but momma never thought to tell me
about how someday, there’s just no rock left,
the welcome mat gets dirty,
can’t take no more feet,
momma never warned me that being welcoming
and open is being flat,
and other flat things include train tracks,
roads,
all take beatings 10 times a day
I was raised to take beatings 10 times a day
but I didn’t want to be a mat
train tracks
a rock
I wanted to believe I was born a trampoline,
but
my mother raised me a welcome mat,
‘when someone slaps you, turn the other cheek’
now I have lived this life like
I deserve to be red in the face
like I was meant to be
train tracks,
rock,
a place for repent where dirty souls
rest for a moment or two with
their dirty soles–
now I am trying to be a trampoline,
to learn how to push back up
when I am stepped on.
