faith over fear

My best friend prayed for me over FaceTime last night. She’s christian, her prayers soothed me. She also shared with me a passage from the bible, with an explanation of its meaning and how it can bring comfort during the pandemic. Minutes later, I received a video from another friend who mentioned this 5-minute Sikh prayer before bed lullabies her to a deep, anxiety-free sleep. Several friends have told me that they will continue to hold me in their prayers as they earnestly wish for a healthier world. As I struggle with the fear and the ‘lack of control’ over this current situation, I desperately long for the feeling of contentment and trust they hold. They put faith in the highest power and then let go.

Growing up Sikh, I stopped identifying as religious when I noticed how religion inherently divides us; how that divide has started wars, prevented lovers from being together, resulted in judgements and promoted hatred. I was equally intrigued to understand why and how our opposing beliefs have been the cause of historical terrors and continue to generate bigotry and a “us versus them” mentality. I studied religion in University and read passages from different religious literature and discovered that interpretations of these texts varied across followers; some found hope, peace, discipline and strength while others were in shackles of control, fear and delusion.

I learned that Sikhism, one of the world’s youngest religions, is monotheistic, founded to unite people from this very divide, rejecting inequality due to the gender, caste, and religion. Spiritual in nature, the one universal god is claimed to not be limited by nation, race, colour, gender or creed, empathizing human rights and justice. However in practise, I noticed religious Sikh families giving merit to caste systems, aborting baby girls, and rejecting mixed marriage. Somewhere over the thousands of years, like a game of telephone, there seems to have been a disconnect between certain principles and how they are practised. But when you go back to the fundamental values of almost any religion, it promotes love and acceptance of everyone’s human journey.

My friend, who is a trans-woman, told me about how she goes to a trans-friendly church and how the community there is her support system. We had a deep discussion about religion standing in our cubicles at work and what I realized was how infrequently religion is discussed in the workplace, even in diversity and inclusion conversations. According to a study by REDI, racial diversity is often top of mind for organizations, however religious inclusion is an area most fail to acknowledge. Even with the rise of Employee Resource Groups, majority are based on common gender, race, sexual orientation or other affinities. At the moment in most workplaces, Christian holidays are more openly celebrated (Easter, Christmas, etc), sending the message that these are deemed more important. Religion talks at work can create challenges but also pose opportunities for people to understand each other better.

My closest friends happen to be of different religious backgrounds. I’ve respected and been exposed to various religious expressions (Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, Catholic, etc). I noticed many similarities and found the presence of mindfulness, meditation, and serenity during prayer to be ultimately calming. What I’m embracing now is the acceptance that prayer is a form of meditation and I can speak to any higher self, and use any religious chant/passage when I pray. And so for the first time in years, I’ve been praying.

journal excerpt:

Horrifying things
happen all over the world
every day,
I’m not much for praying,
but I really feel like I need it tonight.
I pray that this world works its way through the madness that seems to have gripped it.
I pray that we don’t make the same mistakes that we’ve seen history repeat again and again. That years from now kids will wonder what it was like living in such chaotic, unsafe times, because it be alien to them.
I pray for immigrants all over the world to find refuge and welcome arms.
I pray that the people I love stay smart and stay safe.
I pray for a hurting world that needs prayer.
I pray I won’t forget what matters amidst so much that doesn’t.
Because they say if you pray,
somewhere in this world,
something good will happen.

journal excerpt: when my grandmother passed

I think I know now why people pray
why faith exists, why Christians cling to bibles
and Muslims recite the Q’uran like it can cure disease
and get them through the hardest weeks,
I think I understand now why during the most trying times,
we lower ourselves to the ground, get on our knees,
and speak to the sky like rain from clouds
is heaven’s way of crying for us—
because when I left you for the last time knowing
I don’t know when I’ll hear your voice again or see how
your smile curves up like a crescent moon when you
think you’re being clever,
because when the doctor said he probably has
more fingers than days my grandmother has to live,
because when I left by your bedside after stroking your head
with a heart clogged with confusion and fear
I looked up at the stars and clasped my hands into a knot
so I could ask the universe to be kind, and I knew
I knew why people hold scriptures for comfort
listening to prayers for wisdom
and wear crosses around their necks:
because sometimes we need the comfort
that something much bigger cares enough to act as
some sort of compass both when we are lost and found,
but especially when we feel like we are losing,
that sometimes the things we can’t fully understand
are the things that bring the most clarity,

like faith
and trust
and pixie dust.

When it comes to faith and fear, here are a few tips and advice I’ve received to keep your faith above your fear during these unprecedented times:

• Watch your language and dialogue with self and others. “What if…” = Fear whereas “Even if…” = Faith.

• Create memories, not fear. While in quarantine, do the things you’ve always been “too busy to do”. Embrace the slower pace of life and have a deeper focus on your relationships. Play board games (in your household or virtually), go for a walk, read, paint, have long phone calls/video chats, learn something new on YouTube or journal.

• Get professional support. If you start to experience anxiety or symptoms, do not turn to social media or google to self-diagnose. I recently learned and tried Babylon by TELUS, a mobile app that lets you schedule a face-to-face video appointment with a doctor. It was a great experience and reduced my anxiety and fear. I also connected with an online counsellor through Morneau Shepell, there are also Mental Health online resources organized by faith on MannMukti.com. Technology has made it convenient and accessible to connect with professionals from your home. Now is the time to utilize these resources.

• Self-care. This can look like epsom salt baths, yoga, essential oils, naps, or endless other options that make you feel better physically, emotionally and mentally. When it gets really tough, you can’t manage to pamper yourself with ‘luxurious’ self care, aim for basic hygiene, something is better than nothing. ‘Perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good’. ‘Good ‘is often the enemy of ‘done’. Best practices are almost always the enemy of better practices.
  I have spent a lot of time trying to convince my friends and people who come to me with advice to do something. Because something is always better than nothing. Even if it’s a very, very small something. It’s still better. Pinterest is my go to for self-care inspiration, and also a happy, inspirational place with little to no scary pandemic news.

• Music. Many of you have probably seen the uplifting videos of people singing and playing music from their balconies in Italy. Music is therapeutic and healing. Play soothing music in the morning, as you do your work, workout and better yet if you have the energy, dance! This is a playlist my friend shared with me that has been on repeat in the morning as I drink my chai. If you have an instrument at home that you’ve been meaning to learn now might be the best time. I have a ukulele that I’m planning to learn off of YouTube. There is meditative music available (on apps like Calm, Headspace, Insight Timer) as well for you to listen to as you meditate or sleep. And lastly many songs are about having faith and hope, which can be reassuring to listen to (India Arie is one of my favourite artists for soulful music).

• Yoga. Get in touch with your body and surroundings. You can either follow live workouts, or do simple poses when you wake up or wind down to sleep. I find when I’m in tune with my body I feel healthier and have more faith in my body to be able to fight through any trauma.

journal excerpt:

some nights
all I have to keep me from
falling into a pit of despair
is the thought that
somewhere else,
there is laughter,
there is relief,
after a lifetime of
waiting,

there are tears of joy
I can’t see, there is hope
for someone who is
not me,
peace and quiet
and lips on lips,

and love holding
another person together.